My hand turned me down
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize