He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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