Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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