please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
