I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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