I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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