Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
