If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize