Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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