Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
