someone threw a dead crab at me
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
