the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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