our cab driver is having phone sex.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
