Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We're too hungover to prance.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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