Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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