fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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