I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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