Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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