Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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