think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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