Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
