Jerry, you need to find god
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
