he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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