Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
