**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
