high people should be assigned attendants
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
