I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
