Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
