how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
