I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
