I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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