I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
