So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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