I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
