Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
