Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
