just come out here and I will go home with you...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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