Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
