I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
