either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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