i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
