i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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