Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When are your genitals available?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
