i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
