You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
