I want to have your abortion
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
