is your mom at the bar?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
