There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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