I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
