Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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