i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
