It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
