bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
