You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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