Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
