I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
