I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
