He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
