u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
