i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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