I'm sorry my penis didn't work
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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