she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
