I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
