Welp...herpes.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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