Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
