Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
