I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize