U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
