already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
