Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
