Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
