I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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