I wish I could teleport
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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