pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
